Are you suspicious when a stranger is kind to you?  Perhaps you don’t want to be taken advantage of, or feel obligated.  Yet, the experience of kindness is one of the supreme social pleasures, because it is mutually beneficial.  When you say or do something kind it helps to put it in context.  You can create context by clearly communicating your motivation, your offer and your expectations. Savvy speakers make the effort to turn natural suspicion into a confident connection.

Acts of kindness evoke a sense of obligation.    What seems like no big deal to you may be huge to someone else.  When someone refuses your kindness, it is because they suspect that what you will ask in return will be too expensive and inconvenient, if not impossible, to repay.   During your presentation this natural resistance is silent.  When you ask for the sale or invite your audience to take the next step you may hear “Such a kind offer, but no thank you”.   Why? You have mismanaged their expectations because you have not explained your expectations.   Tell your listeners what you expect them to do; the sooner, the better.  Whether or not they comply or even agree with you, matters little.  What matters is that you have been kind enough to put your expectations and their obligation in perspective.

Kindness is a helping hand when there is no obligation or expectation.  The pleasantness of the assistance is shadowed by the vagueness of the offer.  Perhaps you have asked a few friends to help you move and they have been kind enough to help.  It is doubtful that your description of the favor as “a little help with a few things you can’t handle yourself” matched exactly what your friends expected, and actually ended up doing.   Whether this became a problem depends on the strength of the friendships.   Be kind as you attempt to move your audience from strangers to friends, by making your offer clear.  Tell them how much time, the kind, and the quantity of the resources you are offering.  This can be as simple as saying, “I will answer questions after the presentation for 20 minutes.  For those in a hurry, there is a handout, and if we run out just give me your email and we will send it to you.”  Quantified offers of kindness motivate both parties to experience quality kindness.

The root of suspicion around kindness stems from questionable motivations.     Are you kind to curry favor, to make people like you or to hide your weaknesses?  Your audience is concerned with your motivations and if you are not kind enough to tell them, they will make unkind assumptions.   I want your vote.  I want you to buy.  I want you to believe.  No matter how much emotional conviction you fill these kinds of statements with, they fail without a “why?”   Your convictions, concerns and commitments frame your motivation.   Masterful presenters connect their motives with your motivations.  When you clearly connect your motivation with your message, you give the kind of presentation that roots out suspicion.

As a speaker you are often a stranger to your audience and so their suspicion is natural.  Whatever kindness you are offering them, make your motives and expectations clear so their concerns can turn into a confident and mutually beneficial connection.