‘Okay’; ‘Nothing’; ‘Whatever’.  The tone of these words can signal agreement, resignation or resentment.  They are often tightly sealed invitations to an argument which sound like, “What do you mean ‘Nothing’?” when they are ripped open.  As disturbing and disorienting these discussions can be, when you look closely at the card inside you will find it is a valentine bearing the familiar refrain “Will you be mine?”  The conflicts which arise from miscommunication do not fall out of the bonds of love. Even intense antipathy binds your emotional relationships.  Love and hate are more like kissing cousins than distant relatives.  Indifference, just not caring at all, is the opposite of love.    When you speak ‘indifference’ should be your greatest concern. To overcome apathy you must invest love into yourself, infuse love into your message and instill love into your listeners.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.  – Steven Covey.

When you spend more time planning what to say than considering what your listeners want to hear, you are inviting indifference.  Begin preparing your presentation by first considering the audience.  Once the date is set, treat it like a date.  Good impressions come from intelligently anticipating preferences.  Will three dozen roses in a box on her doorstep say more than one artfully offered on bended knee?  Are lots of PowerPoint slides really necessary to make your point?  Consider what your date might like to know about you.  Pay careful attention to whether you are attempting to impress or create a comfortable connection.  Your introduction should convey your competence and not embellish your ego.  Dates don’t go well when all you do is talk about yourself.   Consider what questions your audience would ask and design your presentation to answer them.  While it is bad form to tell your date what questions to ask you, your audience appreciates when you answer the questions they are wondering about.     The better you anticipate questions and offer engaging answers, the more the audience feels appreciated, cared for and loved.

Caring is learning to express your values in another’s terms – John Demartini

Your message is an expression of you as it is expressed through you, but it is not all about you.  To infuse your message with love, you conscientiously complete the phrase “What this means to you is…”  Talking about your passion for sailing is boring until you say to your date, “What this means to you is that we can share sunset cruises and starry nights.”    The smoothest sailing messages float upon the words and images most near and dear to your listeners.   Jesus didn’t tell the fishermen of Galilee how to recruit people.  He told them how to become fishermen of men.  Whether or not you are divinely inspired, you can express your message with love by presenting it in the language your listeners know and love, theirs.

You may doubt you have anything worth saying at all let alone something you would love to share.  Your self-worth shapes the worthiness of your message.  Confidence is the outer expression of healthy self love.   Arrogance is fake confidence.  Love for yourself is natural but no longer normal.  You are constantly reminded of your supposed flaws and shortcomings through endless advertising messages.   All these ads are designed to create and reinforce your insecurity.   Arrogance is all that is heard when you attempt to talk over your self-doubt.  There is no question that there will always be something you can do to improve; however, never doubt that what you do, or not, is your choice.  Self love begins when you give yourself the dignity of choice.  Choose what you want to say.  Choose to say it well.  Choose to love the process of learning from, and refining your choices.

Whatever you choose to say, say it with love.  Nothing shows love more than speaking the language of your listeners.  It is okay to invite disagreement instead of indifference, when you know your love can make all the difference.