Why does public speaking inspire so much fear?  Your answer depends on what flavor of fear you prefer.  Strawberry fear worries about embarrassing yourself.  Vanilla fear worries about forgetting something.  Chocolate fear worries about being rejected.  Eating ice cream is enjoyable, especially your favorite flavor, but when you eat too much you feel a little sick.    Tension in your tummy is natural when you speak, becoming queasy is not.   Fear has a voracious appetite that demands your dread be fed.  Overcoming your fear requires a strict diet of self-esteem, preparation and consideration.

Embarrassment shows itself in flush faces as bright as a ripe red strawberry.  Inside the urge is to run and hide.  If you have had this experience even once you know how rotten strawberry fear tastes.   When you worry about what others think, you are mind reading, and even if this is light reading for some people.  You are feeding your fear make believe worries.  The only way to know what someone is thinking is to ask them and then the odds are significantly less than 100% they even know.  Rest assured some listeners won’t agree with you and may even express it in your evaluation.   Forget about what people think, they are much more interested in themselves.  Isn’t that why you are overly concerned with what they think about you in the first place?  Sure it is embarrassing to forget something during a presentation but it is empowering to forget about what others might be thinking about you.

If vanilla is your favorite flavor you spend a lot of time looking up at the ceiling or down on the floor searching for your script. Your pace is stiff and tone is flat as your recite what you are reading from memory.   The moment you lose your place either because of an unexpected question or listeners’ quizzical expression, you begin to panic.  Zen monks spend decades learning how to clear their minds and yours is now completely empty.  It is very doubtful you rehearse everything you are going to say to family, friend’s or colleagues each day.  Sure important conversations are worth preparing, to organize your thoughts and your feelings, but scripts are only useful when have to make sure you say things exactly, like when you are the President of the United States or placing a lunch order for a finicky co-worker.   The key is to turn your preparation into a conversation.  Your audience is listening, not worrying about, what you are going to say next so you shouldn’t either.

Chocolate fear tastes bitter.  There is no sugar and cream in you if this is your favorite flavor of fear.  What you say to yourself sounds like, I’m afraid, I can’t speak well, No one wants to listen to me.  This fear speaks in a staccato voice just trying to finish as fast as possible.  It is as if you are trying to convince the audience to agree with your negative self talk.    The trick to sweeten the sounds in your head is to stop rejecting yourself before others have a chance.  Being nervous comes before being afraid.  Speaking skills comes before speaking skillfully.  An audience will listen because they can’t shut their ears. Use your good judgment to melt the dark voices by realizing your self-judgment is keeping you frozen in fear.

When concern turns into worry you have over indulged your fears.  Fearing embarrassment is misplaced concern for your listeners.  Fearing forgetting is mistaking your preparation for your presentation.  Fearing your worthiness is misplacing self-judgment for good judgment.  It’s okay to have a little fear as well as little ice cream just don’t overindulge.